militarymoms

No, I’m not leaving.  We’ll be starting school this week at my house, so I’ll probably be too overwhelmed to blog for a little while, but I have too much fun writing this blog to totally let it go.

Today, though, I’m wondering about one very important question:  Why does my commissary stock 36 types of tortillas?

Now, counting tortilla varieties is a bit OCD, I admit, but there’s a method to my madness.  I was waiting for my daughter in the commissary’s international aisle and happened to be next to a very disorganized mess of tortillas.  I don’t like disordered shelves - I worked a few retail jobs - so I tried to make some sense out of all the floury goodness, and found myself counting the types and sizes of tortillas and wraps on display.

I stopped at 36.  There were corn tortillas, small, in packs of 10 or 36.  There were flour tortillas, in fajitas and burrito sizes, packaged in various quantities.  There were low-carb tortillas, too.  And then there were the wraps - you can think of them as designer tortillas - garlic and spinach and who knows what other flavors - and the whole wheat wraps…you get the idea.

Now, I grew up in L.A. and I love my Mexican food.  Tortillas are a pantry staple at my house.  But 36 kinds?

Someone please tell me why I need so many tortilla choices.  I’ll meet you in the international aisle.

For several reasons, I dragged my daughter to the Girl Scout shop in Indianapolis last week.  It’s tradition, for one thing.  We were visiting dear friends in Indiana, and we usually do a Scout Shop run some time during our visit.  My friend Michelle did the whole Girl Scout thing, from Brownies to Gold Award.  My scouting career was more sporadic (okay, no one wanted to lead our rowdy troop after fifth grade), but I never forgot the fun of earning badges, camping and learning to roller skate in Girl Scout uniforms.  I really believe in Scouting, for boys and girls, because it teaches valuable life skills.

One thing I learned during this visit to the Girl Scout shop was dismaying - Girl Scouts is revamping its program, again, and no one really knows how things will end up.  Program materials are being released a little at a time.  It’s frustrating, especially when I’m going through leader training and can see that I’ll be leading Cadettes during a very, well, unstructured time.

But, in the end, I think things will work out.  Moms like me, who remember all the old Girl Scout songs and stories and traditions, will work with girls who know all about GPS units and texting but can’t start a fire, and we’ll all learn something.  We’ll connect over marshmallows and service projects and questions and badges.  We’ll forge new friendships, welcome newcomers to our troops, and renew old bonds of sisterhood.

My friend Michelle lives 600 miles away.  We met in Italy, 20+ years ago, in an on-base drama group, and one of the things we discovered we had in common was Scouting.  We both value Girl Scouting’s traditions and emphasis on important life skills.  We each grew in self-confidence through Scouting.  We didn’t know each other then, but as adults we can appreciate and learn from our Scouting experiences.  Best of all, it’s great fun to share our stories with my daughter, and to hear her own tales of campouts and hikes and ceremonies.

An old Girl Scout song begins, “Make new friends, but keep the old.  One is silver and the other is gold.”  I think this song perfectly expresses how I feel not only about Scouting but about military life (and remember, Lord Baden-Powell created Boy Scouting to prepare young men for military service).  Michelle and I will be friends forever, no matter where the Navy sends my family.  I appreciate tradition and long-established friendships, but I’m also ready to go somewhere new and meet more people.  In the end, it’s all valuable, worth saving and honoring and pondering in my heart.

And, when people ask you why so many military kids are involved in Scouting, you’ll know exactly what to say.  New friends, old friends, tradition and challenge - that’s military life - and it’s Scouting life, too.

Faithful reader Toni asked where I keep all those boxes I claim to have saved.  I am blessed with two attics - neither is very big, but they hold most of the boxes with special styrofoam in them.  Any boxes that don’t have styrofoam, we collapse and store flat.  I keep all my packing boxes stragetically packed inside of a few dishpacks - also in the attic.

Right now, our garage is full  and we can’t park cars in it.  (We can fit four cars in our driveway, which is good.)  We have a few projects going on, such as reboxing books that go into our attic, and rebuilding our shed, which was a rusted heap of twisted metal when we moved back into our home, and when they’re done we will be able to fit a car into the garage.

I’m no purging pro (sorry, Toni), but I do go through closets and bookshelves at least once a year to get rid of unused items.  I also participate in PaperbackSwap.com’s excellent program.  (I got a really nice French textbook for my son from them!)  Getting rid of things we don’t use makes sense.  Rebuying the same things over and over or replacing items damaged in multiple moves doesn’t make sense to me, so I save quite a few things.

If you’ve blogged about packing and purging, why not leave a link in a comment, so we can learn from your experiences?

I had to visit to my safe deposit box this week.  Fortunately, we’re stationed near the box’s location right now; some years I am too far away to put things into the box that belong there. 

It’s always an adventure, opening the safe deposit box.  My daughter was along on this trip and she enjoyed looking at the coins, jewelry and papers.  The whole experience got me thinking about the items I carry from place to place and the items I keep in the box, even when we’re on another continent.

I have been dragging some strange items from house to house for 23 years.  Military life, with its accompanying moves and deployments, causes moms like me to acquire an unusual inventory of household goods.  I started making a list of the items most civilian moms don’t need, and I thought I’d share it with you.

• Duplicate appliances.  I own two blenders, two coffee makers (I don’t drink coffee), two manual can openers and three irons.  Why?  So I can put one in my household goods shipment and keep one with me as we travel to the next duty station.  Exception: the coffee makers.  One goes onboard the ship.
• Updated shot cards.  I have complete immunization records for everyone in my family and I guard them like they are gold plated.  Why?  Well, my own immunization records were lost when I was about 10, so I know just what it’s like to have to prove that you were, indeed, given all those childhood vaccines.  Throw in the military move factor and those records become even more important.  I’ll never, ever trust a doctor’s office to keep them safe.
• Curtains that don’t fit any window in my home.  I have several sets of curtains that I cart from state to state.  They won’t work in this house?  That’s okay, we’ll move soon and I can probably use them in the next beige-walled residence.
• Approximately one million guest towels.  Well, not really, but I have quite a few sets.  We regularly host military friends and I never have to worry about having enough bath towels to go around.  (I have lots of extra pillows, too.)
• Cardboard boxes by the dozen.  I have all the original boxes for my TVs, small appliances and computers, with styrofoam and twist ties.  I have boxes I use only for packing my crystal and china when we move.  I have boxes for mailing things to family in other states.  I have extra boxes in case my houseguests want to send something home instead of carrying it on the plane.  My friend Michelle calls me “Box Woman of the Universe.”

I suppose I could live without these things if I had to - after all, I’ve camped out in a completely empty house with borrowed sleeping bags more than once - but they do make my life easier.  And, when so much of military life involves things that moms like me can’t control, it’s nice to think that at least I have enough washcloths to go around.

As of yesterday, I can officially state what I have known in my heart for a year.  My daughter really does have talent - she walked off with three Novice-level first place awards at a local Irish step dancing competition.  Hard enough to do, under any circumstances - but it was only her third competition at Novice level.  One more first place ranking and she moves up to Prizewinner level.  We drove home marveling at the fact that she’s come so far in just one year of competition and less than two full years of dancing.

Now I’m faced with a couple of dilemmas.  This is no cheap hobby - shoes, lessons, trips and dresses are expensive.  I think we’re set for the next year, as I’ve saved up for dresses and lessons all along.  Once the trips start, though, we’ll be committing family resources to support her talent.  What’s the fairest way to do this?

Also, we’re military.  My husband isn’t going to retire next year, possibly not for several years yet.  What happens if we get orders to someplace without certified teachers?  Do we put the whole family through the agony of a geobach tour?

In a way, I’m lucky.  In two years my son heads off to college (see question 1, above) and he won’t be affected too much by PCS move #11, whenever it happens.  On the other hand, my daughter is young and we have quite a few years of Irish dance competitions ahead of us.  We’ll have to think long and hard about the best ways to support her talent, especially since it could help her beef up college applications.

I have no idea how things will turn out.  We could end up staying here or we could move overseas.  Europe would be OK - Ireland is in Europe, last time I checked - but I have no idea if any Irish dance schools exist in, say, Japan.

My plan, such as it is, is to discuss all of this with my husband first, laying out my concerns and the costs and benefits of moving vs. dancing here.  We’ll think and talk and, because we’re us, pray about it all.  Once we’ve reached a decision we’ll bring it up with the rest of the family.  Sometimes my children come up with solutions I’ve not considered, so this discussion could be very valuable in ways I don’t yet know.

The truth is, though, this is one part of military life that is hard.  We try to nurture our children, we try to put down roots, but we can’t control 100% of our destiny.  (I think I, personally, only control about 40% of my own destiny, mostly things like what brand of detergent to buy.)  We can’t always support talented children the way we’d like, because military paychecks only stretch so far and because sometimes we have to live where no one has ever heard of things like ghillies and solo dresses.

That’s where love comes in, with its partner, honest communication.  I can’t give everything and I can’t do everything, but I can explain why resources have to be diverted to car repair and why each child in our family deserves opportunities, not just one child.  I can love and hug the child who secretly worries about moving away and leaving dance friends behind.  I do these things, and I hope, for now, they’re enough.

Well, it’s been over a week since I last posted, and I apologize.  We have been preparing for the visit of dear friends who live in Germany.  Translation:  house shoveling.  My son was packing to go to the Philmont Scout Ranch, which meant, in reality, that every day he gave me a new list of things he needed but didn’t have.  Translation:  shopping errands.  My daughter volunteered at Vacation Bible School and had dance camp during the same week.  Translation:  sandwiches in the car, every day.

I did try to write one post earlier in the week and it vanished into a cyber-black hole just as I finished writing it.  Since I was at my daughter’s dance studio when that happened, my technical problems weren’t easily fixed.  Meanwhile, one of my long-term freelancing clients upgraded software, resulting in more black holes as I tried to upload photos.

This is just one of those times when life is happening all around me and I have to deal with issues one at a time.  I tend to feel overwhelmed when dozens of deadlines pop up at once, but I’ve learned to focus my mental energies on the things that absolutely must get done today, and let tomorrow take care of itself for a few hours.

I know, for example, that we have a dance competition next weekend and I have to do some sewing, ironing and organizing to prepare for that event.  Before then, however, I have writing deadlines, bills to pay, two big social events to attend, a ham to purchase…I’m sure this litany of tasks sounds mighty familiar.

I don’t have an online calendar that reminds me about priority tasks.  I use a pencil and paper to keep track of what I must get done.  I usually write on the back of an old flyer or article draft (I like to recycle).  No one else could possibly read my messy calendar of events, I am sure, but that doesn’t matter.

Future events are tracked on my kitchen wall calendar.  I check it first thing each morning to be sure I’m not forgetting a lesson or appointment.  It’s simple, as planning systems go, but it works.

Now, my friends are here, my son is (hopefully) enjoying his trek, and my daughter is practicing her steps night and day.  I can catch up on my writing tasks and enjoy my friends’ company.  Translation: it’s worth it.

As I wrote this morning on one of my other blogs, 23 years ago today I married my husband.  It was a record-setting hot day, and our reception location didn’t have air conditioning, but I honestly don’t recall feeling warm.  We’d planned a very special wedding, and it was everything I wanted it to be.  I was having too much fun to worry about the heat.

Today, 23 years later, I wonder where the time has gone and why I still haven’t figured out a way to make time for personal fitness, something I haven’t dedicated enough time to since our first duty station, way back when VCRs were still pretty new and no one had ever heard of Game Boys or Brangelina.  Time really does fly, ever more quickly.

This is a rare summer for us - no weddings, baby announcements or graduations - and so I have no shower gifts to buy.  It’s too bad, because I just read a really great book, Married to the Military, written by Meredith Leyva.

If you’ve been invited to a bridal shower for a military bride-to-be, this book would be a perfect gift.  I sure could have used it 23 years ago.  Not only does it have real nuts-and-bolts information anyone can use - how to decipher an LES, how to decode rank insignia, and so on - it also has tips for decorating your base house, advice for surviving deployments and moves and real, wife-to-wife “war stories,”  humorous anecdotes about military life.

Perhaps you’re new to military life yourself.  My local library has a copy of Married to the Military (that’s how I happened to read it), and yours may, too.  Request the book and give it a try.  You’ll learn a lot about career planning - yours and his - as well as finances, military marriages and parenting through deployments.  Definitely worth your time.

As you may have guessed, I’ve been away.  We had a lovely vacation in Canada, and if you want to know more about it, I’m uploading articles and photos here.  (Scroll down to the Canada travel articles.)

For the first time ever, we were actually in a place where there were no Independence Day celebrations - when we’ve been stationed overseas, MWR has always put on a July Fourth celebration.  It felt a little strange, but we had the opportunity to be part of Canada Day (July 1) instead, and we learned a lot about Canadian history while we were in New Brunswick.  Canadians love to celebrate their national holiday just as much as we do, and we had a great time attending a festival and then heading down to the Petitcodiac River and watching fireworks.

I think it’s important to remember that we, as U.S. citizens, don’t have the patriotism market cornered.  (Just watch the European soccer championships to see continent-wide patriotism in action!)  Nearly everyone is proud of his or her country, even if circumstances (such as marrying into the military) have caused that person to become a U.S. citizen.

Throughout my husband’s military career, one of the parts I’ve most enjoyed has been getting to know other military wives from around the world.  My friends hail from Spain, Sweden, Italy, Japan, Canada, the Philippines, Korea, Germany…you get the idea.  They’ve taught me to make lumpia, given me religious items from Fatima, prepared poutine for my children, given me hacky sack-making tips and showed me their confirmation photos (with the future Pope!).  In every case, I’ve learned a lot from my friends, and my life is much richer for having known them.

Just another reason to be thankful for this chaotic but fulfilling life…

Terie’s comments on some of my older posts got me thinking.  I have done the military spouse thing for 22 years and 36o days now (anniversary 23 is Sunday!).  I have lost count of the “How do you do it?” and “I could never move away from my family!” comments - and that doesn’t take into account the discussions I’ve had about homeschooling.  Am I really that far above the common mortal?

Of course, the answer is no.  I’m just a standard-issue individual who happened to fall in love with a military person.  He, thank God, was honest enough to prepare me, at least in part, for the challenges I’d face…before we were even engaged.  We’ve always talked honestly about military life, which is wonderful because my last blood relative who served in the military died in World War II, in Italy (we took flowers to his grave in 2004).  I was the Totally Clueless Innocent Civilian when I became a military spouse.

Over time, I’ve come to the conclusion that we all, as human beings, have something of the superhero inside.  Certainly I never expected to field questions about battleship hull strength the same day Operation Desert Storm began - ironically, the day after my husband’s birthday, the same day I saw him briefly on CNN loading supplies onto or off of the USS WISCONSON (BB-64).  I knew about the ship’s two 18-inch hulls, to be sure, but I never thought I’d be explaining them to family members, particularly on the day MY husband was in danger and they were all fine.

In my mind, the real superheroes at home are the military family members who offer up emergency assistance to spouses of deployed service members.  Let me explain.  Right before my husband went on his last 6-month cruise, a church friend suggested that I keep her phone number on hand, for 2:00 A.M. emergencies.  Her kids were older, she said, and she could help if I needed assistance.

Thank God for Debbie.  I did need her help, the night before my parents were due to fly in from California for a visit.  I woke up with intense pain, knowing I was hospital-bound.  I called Debbie, woke her husband, asked for help and got not only Debbie but her daughter (pulled from school to babysit for me).  Debbie took me to the hospital and stayed to make sure I wouldn’t be sent home.  Turned out I had a softball-sized ovarian cyst.  I needed surgery.  Debbie and her family took care of all of us until my parents arrived.

I’ve never forgotten this event, and some day I hope to pay it forward.  I’ve offered up emergency services to many deployed spouses, and I know one day I will be able to help someone as Debbie helped me, with transportation, child care, advocacy and prayer.

We, as military moms, are definitely superhero material.  Maybe now is a good time to take stock and see how we can make ourselves more available to the people who might need our help in an emergency.  Step One:  Tell people you are available.  They will call on you if they trust that you are sincere.  I know, because I was there.  Offer what you can truly give and the Good Lord will take care of the rest.

To Debbie:  We are doing well and the little baby girl you knew is now 10.  She sings as sweetly as your daughter did nine years ago (and, I’m sure, still does).  Our lives are richer because we knew you and you helped us when no one else was nearby.  I will pass your favor on, don’t worry!

If you’ve survived a PCS move, you have probably stayed in temporary lodging on or off base during your transfer process.  Did you know that many of the lodging facilities on military bases offer low-cost lodging to military leisure travelers?  We’ve stayed at Navy Inns, visitors’ quarters and Air Force Inns in Europe and the U.S., and you can’t beat the prices.

For example, Hanscom Air Force Base, which is just a ten-minute drive from Lexington, Massachusetts, charged us $47 for a two-room suite, with kitchenette.  Most motel rooms in the area charge at least twice that rate, if not more.  We bought breakfast food at the commissary and gassed up our car on base, too.  This would be a great place to stay if you were planning to explore Boston, Lexington and Concord.

We’ve stayed at Navy Lodges in Virginia Beach, Great Lakes (Illinois) and Annapolis, and in a Marine Corps inn outside of San Diego, at Miramar.  Everywhere we’ve stayed, we’ve received great value for our money, and we’ve been able to use base facilities (think laundromats!) to save even more while on vacation.

If you’ve never considered the military lodging system, I encourage you to give it a try.  I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.