militarymoms

I have been “absent” from the blogosphere for several days, not just here but on a couple of my other blogs.  Life gets very hectic when your husband is getting ready to go on extended TAD.  We’re actually very fortunate, because the course my husband is taking is close enough to home that he can come home on weekends.  Still, this is the first time in a long while we’ve had to deal with temporary duty, so we’re all feeling a bit out of sorts.

I’ve learned a few things, though, from doing this once or twice or a dozen times before.  I know what I have to do to get through this.  Here’s my plan:

• Accept that TAD happens, regardless of whether or not I like it.  I learned this one long before I faced our first military separation.  My friend Kristi, back at San Vito Air Station, described how she felt when her husband Ed first went to sea.  “I cried and cried on that pier, but the ship just left anyway.”  Ships leave.  Deployments happen.  I know I cannot control my husband’s military schedule.  The only person I can control is myself.  Stop deployments?  Not likely.  Decide how I will handle my response to them?  That’s my job.
• Set up a routine and stick to it.  This is especially important when children are involved.  We have a couple of activities that haven’t started yet, but everyone knows what they are, how much driving is involved, and so on.  I review the Family Plan of the Week with my children each Monday and remind them of upcoming unusual events - homeschool park day, for example - as the week goes on.
• Smile.  Things could be worse.  Two out of three of my cars work.  (I killed four cars during one six-month cruise, so this is important.)  My husband is not headed to Points Far Away, nor is he on a Big Grey Thing for six months.  I am blessed.
• Stay connected.  Technology is my friend.  My husband’s office has issued him a laptop to accompany his infamous BlackBerry, so I can email and call him.  I’m old enough to have survived one-letter-per-month deployments, so I know things are better these days.
• Don’t try to do everything myself.  This one is hard for me, as I am guilty of trying to be SuperMom.  Can’t be done.  I can mow lawns and teach kids and all that, but I can’t do much more now than I usually accomplish with my husband at home all week.  It’s a good thing the House Beautiful Inspection Team is busy elsewhere, right?
• Pray hard.  This really helps me, especially when things get stressful.  Asking God to make sure His plan is the one I follow is my main prayer of petition during tough times.  Thanking God for the blessings of health and children and supportive family helps me see the positive side of things.  Asking friends to pray me through the super-stressful times helps more than I can say.

Each deployment and TAD is different - our children are older, our responsibilities have changed, our school plan is more complex - but the basics don’t change.  Do your best, put first things first, accept that some things will go wrong and have a plan for handling them - that’s what works for us.

I’d love to hear what works for you!

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