militarymoms

You may have noticed, dear readers, that posting has tapered off here on Military Moms.  This isn’t because I’ve given up blogging.  Rather, it’s due to the fact that I’ve reviewed my writing schedule and decided to look for ways to expand my blogging horizons.  To this end, I’ve taken on a new position as Military Moms Editor at Type-A Mom, a community of moms who write articles, share ideas, review products and connect with each other.  I don’t plan to shut this blog down completely, but I’ll be doing most of my military mom writing at Type-A for the foreseeable future.  You can also find my thoughts on Maryland military life online at HometownAnnapolis.com, the Web site of The Capital newspaper.

I really enjoy blogging, and I hope you’ll stop by my blogs often.  As always, I really appreciate the time you take to read my posts.  Don’t be strangers, now!

Last night I dreamed about curtains.  I have no idea why - perhaps it’s because my cat found her way into my linen closet, where I keep my curtain stash.

That’s right - other folks have fabric stashes, I have curtains.  I have curtains from every house I’ve ever lived in.  Some I’ve made, some I’ve purchased - but I have them.  I have curtains to fit European windows and curtains to fit smaller-than-average base housing windows.  I have 1980’s floral print curtains and 21st-century teal-and-mushroom checked panels.  I have extra shower curtains, too.

When you move every couple of years, you have to take down your curtains and re-hang them in your new home.  Your living room curtain from house #4 might not fit in house #5 - but it could work in house #6, so you save it.  Hence, my curtain stash.

I have been in this house two years so far and am thinking about new curtains for the family room.  My vertical blinds, victims of several rounds of tenants and daycare kids, have definitely seen better days.  Or centuries.  We’re not sure whether more moves are in our future, so I know I’ll be buying curtains that go with neutral-toned walls.

In some ways, my curtain stash mirrors a larger reality.  Some years, I hang curtains in every room.  I feel settled.  Other times, I wait to see whether it’s worth hanging all the curtains - will we be here a while?  Will I fit into my new community, the way my neutral curtains fit on nearly any wall?  How much of myself should I invest in this new place, this home-for-a-while?

On that great day when I finally get to recycle all the boxes and weed out the curtain stash, I’m not sure what I’ll do, or how I’ll feel.  No more “just for a while” defense, no more “temporary home” feelings, no more military security blanket.  It’s hard to imagine.

It will come, though, and, when that day does arrive, for once I won’t have to worry about staying neutral.

I have been “absent” from the blogosphere for several days, not just here but on a couple of my other blogs.  Life gets very hectic when your husband is getting ready to go on extended TAD.  We’re actually very fortunate, because the course my husband is taking is close enough to home that he can come home on weekends.  Still, this is the first time in a long while we’ve had to deal with temporary duty, so we’re all feeling a bit out of sorts.

I’ve learned a few things, though, from doing this once or twice or a dozen times before.  I know what I have to do to get through this.  Here’s my plan:

• Accept that TAD happens, regardless of whether or not I like it.  I learned this one long before I faced our first military separation.  My friend Kristi, back at San Vito Air Station, described how she felt when her husband Ed first went to sea.  “I cried and cried on that pier, but the ship just left anyway.”  Ships leave.  Deployments happen.  I know I cannot control my husband’s military schedule.  The only person I can control is myself.  Stop deployments?  Not likely.  Decide how I will handle my response to them?  That’s my job.
• Set up a routine and stick to it.  This is especially important when children are involved.  We have a couple of activities that haven’t started yet, but everyone knows what they are, how much driving is involved, and so on.  I review the Family Plan of the Week with my children each Monday and remind them of upcoming unusual events - homeschool park day, for example - as the week goes on.
• Smile.  Things could be worse.  Two out of three of my cars work.  (I killed four cars during one six-month cruise, so this is important.)  My husband is not headed to Points Far Away, nor is he on a Big Grey Thing for six months.  I am blessed.
• Stay connected.  Technology is my friend.  My husband’s office has issued him a laptop to accompany his infamous BlackBerry, so I can email and call him.  I’m old enough to have survived one-letter-per-month deployments, so I know things are better these days.
• Don’t try to do everything myself.  This one is hard for me, as I am guilty of trying to be SuperMom.  Can’t be done.  I can mow lawns and teach kids and all that, but I can’t do much more now than I usually accomplish with my husband at home all week.  It’s a good thing the House Beautiful Inspection Team is busy elsewhere, right?
• Pray hard.  This really helps me, especially when things get stressful.  Asking God to make sure His plan is the one I follow is my main prayer of petition during tough times.  Thanking God for the blessings of health and children and supportive family helps me see the positive side of things.  Asking friends to pray me through the super-stressful times helps more than I can say.

Each deployment and TAD is different - our children are older, our responsibilities have changed, our school plan is more complex - but the basics don’t change.  Do your best, put first things first, accept that some things will go wrong and have a plan for handling them - that’s what works for us.

I’d love to hear what works for you!

I’ve blogged about it elsewhere, but it bears repeating.

Please register to vote and request an absentee ballot if you’re stationed away from your home of record.  Election Day is drawing closer and most states require you to request your absentee ballot at least 45 days before an election.

It’s your right and privilege to vote.  Please exercise it.

For several reasons, I dragged my daughter to the Girl Scout shop in Indianapolis last week.  It’s tradition, for one thing.  We were visiting dear friends in Indiana, and we usually do a Scout Shop run some time during our visit.  My friend Michelle did the whole Girl Scout thing, from Brownies to Gold Award.  My scouting career was more sporadic (okay, no one wanted to lead our rowdy troop after fifth grade), but I never forgot the fun of earning badges, camping and learning to roller skate in Girl Scout uniforms.  I really believe in Scouting, for boys and girls, because it teaches valuable life skills.

One thing I learned during this visit to the Girl Scout shop was dismaying - Girl Scouts is revamping its program, again, and no one really knows how things will end up.  Program materials are being released a little at a time.  It’s frustrating, especially when I’m going through leader training and can see that I’ll be leading Cadettes during a very, well, unstructured time.

But, in the end, I think things will work out.  Moms like me, who remember all the old Girl Scout songs and stories and traditions, will work with girls who know all about GPS units and texting but can’t start a fire, and we’ll all learn something.  We’ll connect over marshmallows and service projects and questions and badges.  We’ll forge new friendships, welcome newcomers to our troops, and renew old bonds of sisterhood.

My friend Michelle lives 600 miles away.  We met in Italy, 20+ years ago, in an on-base drama group, and one of the things we discovered we had in common was Scouting.  We both value Girl Scouting’s traditions and emphasis on important life skills.  We each grew in self-confidence through Scouting.  We didn’t know each other then, but as adults we can appreciate and learn from our Scouting experiences.  Best of all, it’s great fun to share our stories with my daughter, and to hear her own tales of campouts and hikes and ceremonies.

An old Girl Scout song begins, “Make new friends, but keep the old.  One is silver and the other is gold.”  I think this song perfectly expresses how I feel not only about Scouting but about military life (and remember, Lord Baden-Powell created Boy Scouting to prepare young men for military service).  Michelle and I will be friends forever, no matter where the Navy sends my family.  I appreciate tradition and long-established friendships, but I’m also ready to go somewhere new and meet more people.  In the end, it’s all valuable, worth saving and honoring and pondering in my heart.

And, when people ask you why so many military kids are involved in Scouting, you’ll know exactly what to say.  New friends, old friends, tradition and challenge - that’s military life - and it’s Scouting life, too.

Faithful reader Toni asked where I keep all those boxes I claim to have saved.  I am blessed with two attics - neither is very big, but they hold most of the boxes with special styrofoam in them.  Any boxes that don’t have styrofoam, we collapse and store flat.  I keep all my packing boxes stragetically packed inside of a few dishpacks - also in the attic.

Right now, our garage is full  and we can’t park cars in it.  (We can fit four cars in our driveway, which is good.)  We have a few projects going on, such as reboxing books that go into our attic, and rebuilding our shed, which was a rusted heap of twisted metal when we moved back into our home, and when they’re done we will be able to fit a car into the garage.

I’m no purging pro (sorry, Toni), but I do go through closets and bookshelves at least once a year to get rid of unused items.  I also participate in PaperbackSwap.com’s excellent program.  (I got a really nice French textbook for my son from them!)  Getting rid of things we don’t use makes sense.  Rebuying the same things over and over or replacing items damaged in multiple moves doesn’t make sense to me, so I save quite a few things.

If you’ve blogged about packing and purging, why not leave a link in a comment, so we can learn from your experiences?

I had to visit to my safe deposit box this week.  Fortunately, we’re stationed near the box’s location right now; some years I am too far away to put things into the box that belong there. 

It’s always an adventure, opening the safe deposit box.  My daughter was along on this trip and she enjoyed looking at the coins, jewelry and papers.  The whole experience got me thinking about the items I carry from place to place and the items I keep in the box, even when we’re on another continent.

I have been dragging some strange items from house to house for 23 years.  Military life, with its accompanying moves and deployments, causes moms like me to acquire an unusual inventory of household goods.  I started making a list of the items most civilian moms don’t need, and I thought I’d share it with you.

• Duplicate appliances.  I own two blenders, two coffee makers (I don’t drink coffee), two manual can openers and three irons.  Why?  So I can put one in my household goods shipment and keep one with me as we travel to the next duty station.  Exception: the coffee makers.  One goes onboard the ship.
• Updated shot cards.  I have complete immunization records for everyone in my family and I guard them like they are gold plated.  Why?  Well, my own immunization records were lost when I was about 10, so I know just what it’s like to have to prove that you were, indeed, given all those childhood vaccines.  Throw in the military move factor and those records become even more important.  I’ll never, ever trust a doctor’s office to keep them safe.
• Curtains that don’t fit any window in my home.  I have several sets of curtains that I cart from state to state.  They won’t work in this house?  That’s okay, we’ll move soon and I can probably use them in the next beige-walled residence.
• Approximately one million guest towels.  Well, not really, but I have quite a few sets.  We regularly host military friends and I never have to worry about having enough bath towels to go around.  (I have lots of extra pillows, too.)
• Cardboard boxes by the dozen.  I have all the original boxes for my TVs, small appliances and computers, with styrofoam and twist ties.  I have boxes I use only for packing my crystal and china when we move.  I have boxes for mailing things to family in other states.  I have extra boxes in case my houseguests want to send something home instead of carrying it on the plane.  My friend Michelle calls me “Box Woman of the Universe.”

I suppose I could live without these things if I had to - after all, I’ve camped out in a completely empty house with borrowed sleeping bags more than once - but they do make my life easier.  And, when so much of military life involves things that moms like me can’t control, it’s nice to think that at least I have enough washcloths to go around.

Well, it’s been over a week since I last posted, and I apologize.  We have been preparing for the visit of dear friends who live in Germany.  Translation:  house shoveling.  My son was packing to go to the Philmont Scout Ranch, which meant, in reality, that every day he gave me a new list of things he needed but didn’t have.  Translation:  shopping errands.  My daughter volunteered at Vacation Bible School and had dance camp during the same week.  Translation:  sandwiches in the car, every day.

I did try to write one post earlier in the week and it vanished into a cyber-black hole just as I finished writing it.  Since I was at my daughter’s dance studio when that happened, my technical problems weren’t easily fixed.  Meanwhile, one of my long-term freelancing clients upgraded software, resulting in more black holes as I tried to upload photos.

This is just one of those times when life is happening all around me and I have to deal with issues one at a time.  I tend to feel overwhelmed when dozens of deadlines pop up at once, but I’ve learned to focus my mental energies on the things that absolutely must get done today, and let tomorrow take care of itself for a few hours.

I know, for example, that we have a dance competition next weekend and I have to do some sewing, ironing and organizing to prepare for that event.  Before then, however, I have writing deadlines, bills to pay, two big social events to attend, a ham to purchase…I’m sure this litany of tasks sounds mighty familiar.

I don’t have an online calendar that reminds me about priority tasks.  I use a pencil and paper to keep track of what I must get done.  I usually write on the back of an old flyer or article draft (I like to recycle).  No one else could possibly read my messy calendar of events, I am sure, but that doesn’t matter.

Future events are tracked on my kitchen wall calendar.  I check it first thing each morning to be sure I’m not forgetting a lesson or appointment.  It’s simple, as planning systems go, but it works.

Now, my friends are here, my son is (hopefully) enjoying his trek, and my daughter is practicing her steps night and day.  I can catch up on my writing tasks and enjoy my friends’ company.  Translation: it’s worth it.

If you’ve survived a PCS move, you have probably stayed in temporary lodging on or off base during your transfer process.  Did you know that many of the lodging facilities on military bases offer low-cost lodging to military leisure travelers?  We’ve stayed at Navy Inns, visitors’ quarters and Air Force Inns in Europe and the U.S., and you can’t beat the prices.

For example, Hanscom Air Force Base, which is just a ten-minute drive from Lexington, Massachusetts, charged us $47 for a two-room suite, with kitchenette.  Most motel rooms in the area charge at least twice that rate, if not more.  We bought breakfast food at the commissary and gassed up our car on base, too.  This would be a great place to stay if you were planning to explore Boston, Lexington and Concord.

We’ve stayed at Navy Lodges in Virginia Beach, Great Lakes (Illinois) and Annapolis, and in a Marine Corps inn outside of San Diego, at Miramar.  Everywhere we’ve stayed, we’ve received great value for our money, and we’ve been able to use base facilities (think laundromats!) to save even more while on vacation.

If you’ve never considered the military lodging system, I encourage you to give it a try.  I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

I went to the commissary yesterday and noticed that youth sports signups placards are everywhere.  I grabbed a copy of our regional MWR Joint Services Leisure Guide and discovered that our other local military base is taking soccer signups now, too.

While the weekly routine of two practices and an early-morning game doesn’t sound too appealing just as the current school year is winding down, I can say from personal experiene that getting involved in youth sports is good for both parents and children.  My children have both spent many hours running bases, kicking soccer balls and so on.  And, at each new duty station, I was compelled to get out and meet some other parents from our base and our local area, which was a very good thing.  Without youth sports, I would not have met all the wonderful moms and dads who became my friends, and I would have lost the chance to find out how to make the most of my time at each new place.

Youth sports can benefit your whole family.  It’s time to sign up!