militarymoms

I have been “absent” from the blogosphere for several days, not just here but on a couple of my other blogs.  Life gets very hectic when your husband is getting ready to go on extended TAD.  We’re actually very fortunate, because the course my husband is taking is close enough to home that he can come home on weekends.  Still, this is the first time in a long while we’ve had to deal with temporary duty, so we’re all feeling a bit out of sorts.

I’ve learned a few things, though, from doing this once or twice or a dozen times before.  I know what I have to do to get through this.  Here’s my plan:

• Accept that TAD happens, regardless of whether or not I like it.  I learned this one long before I faced our first military separation.  My friend Kristi, back at San Vito Air Station, described how she felt when her husband Ed first went to sea.  “I cried and cried on that pier, but the ship just left anyway.”  Ships leave.  Deployments happen.  I know I cannot control my husband’s military schedule.  The only person I can control is myself.  Stop deployments?  Not likely.  Decide how I will handle my response to them?  That’s my job.
• Set up a routine and stick to it.  This is especially important when children are involved.  We have a couple of activities that haven’t started yet, but everyone knows what they are, how much driving is involved, and so on.  I review the Family Plan of the Week with my children each Monday and remind them of upcoming unusual events - homeschool park day, for example - as the week goes on.
• Smile.  Things could be worse.  Two out of three of my cars work.  (I killed four cars during one six-month cruise, so this is important.)  My husband is not headed to Points Far Away, nor is he on a Big Grey Thing for six months.  I am blessed.
• Stay connected.  Technology is my friend.  My husband’s office has issued him a laptop to accompany his infamous BlackBerry, so I can email and call him.  I’m old enough to have survived one-letter-per-month deployments, so I know things are better these days.
• Don’t try to do everything myself.  This one is hard for me, as I am guilty of trying to be SuperMom.  Can’t be done.  I can mow lawns and teach kids and all that, but I can’t do much more now than I usually accomplish with my husband at home all week.  It’s a good thing the House Beautiful Inspection Team is busy elsewhere, right?
• Pray hard.  This really helps me, especially when things get stressful.  Asking God to make sure His plan is the one I follow is my main prayer of petition during tough times.  Thanking God for the blessings of health and children and supportive family helps me see the positive side of things.  Asking friends to pray me through the super-stressful times helps more than I can say.

Each deployment and TAD is different - our children are older, our responsibilities have changed, our school plan is more complex - but the basics don’t change.  Do your best, put first things first, accept that some things will go wrong and have a plan for handling them - that’s what works for us.

I’d love to hear what works for you!

For several reasons, I dragged my daughter to the Girl Scout shop in Indianapolis last week.  It’s tradition, for one thing.  We were visiting dear friends in Indiana, and we usually do a Scout Shop run some time during our visit.  My friend Michelle did the whole Girl Scout thing, from Brownies to Gold Award.  My scouting career was more sporadic (okay, no one wanted to lead our rowdy troop after fifth grade), but I never forgot the fun of earning badges, camping and learning to roller skate in Girl Scout uniforms.  I really believe in Scouting, for boys and girls, because it teaches valuable life skills.

One thing I learned during this visit to the Girl Scout shop was dismaying - Girl Scouts is revamping its program, again, and no one really knows how things will end up.  Program materials are being released a little at a time.  It’s frustrating, especially when I’m going through leader training and can see that I’ll be leading Cadettes during a very, well, unstructured time.

But, in the end, I think things will work out.  Moms like me, who remember all the old Girl Scout songs and stories and traditions, will work with girls who know all about GPS units and texting but can’t start a fire, and we’ll all learn something.  We’ll connect over marshmallows and service projects and questions and badges.  We’ll forge new friendships, welcome newcomers to our troops, and renew old bonds of sisterhood.

My friend Michelle lives 600 miles away.  We met in Italy, 20+ years ago, in an on-base drama group, and one of the things we discovered we had in common was Scouting.  We both value Girl Scouting’s traditions and emphasis on important life skills.  We each grew in self-confidence through Scouting.  We didn’t know each other then, but as adults we can appreciate and learn from our Scouting experiences.  Best of all, it’s great fun to share our stories with my daughter, and to hear her own tales of campouts and hikes and ceremonies.

An old Girl Scout song begins, “Make new friends, but keep the old.  One is silver and the other is gold.”  I think this song perfectly expresses how I feel not only about Scouting but about military life (and remember, Lord Baden-Powell created Boy Scouting to prepare young men for military service).  Michelle and I will be friends forever, no matter where the Navy sends my family.  I appreciate tradition and long-established friendships, but I’m also ready to go somewhere new and meet more people.  In the end, it’s all valuable, worth saving and honoring and pondering in my heart.

And, when people ask you why so many military kids are involved in Scouting, you’ll know exactly what to say.  New friends, old friends, tradition and challenge - that’s military life - and it’s Scouting life, too.

As of yesterday, I can officially state what I have known in my heart for a year.  My daughter really does have talent - she walked off with three Novice-level first place awards at a local Irish step dancing competition.  Hard enough to do, under any circumstances - but it was only her third competition at Novice level.  One more first place ranking and she moves up to Prizewinner level.  We drove home marveling at the fact that she’s come so far in just one year of competition and less than two full years of dancing.

Now I’m faced with a couple of dilemmas.  This is no cheap hobby - shoes, lessons, trips and dresses are expensive.  I think we’re set for the next year, as I’ve saved up for dresses and lessons all along.  Once the trips start, though, we’ll be committing family resources to support her talent.  What’s the fairest way to do this?

Also, we’re military.  My husband isn’t going to retire next year, possibly not for several years yet.  What happens if we get orders to someplace without certified teachers?  Do we put the whole family through the agony of a geobach tour?

In a way, I’m lucky.  In two years my son heads off to college (see question 1, above) and he won’t be affected too much by PCS move #11, whenever it happens.  On the other hand, my daughter is young and we have quite a few years of Irish dance competitions ahead of us.  We’ll have to think long and hard about the best ways to support her talent, especially since it could help her beef up college applications.

I have no idea how things will turn out.  We could end up staying here or we could move overseas.  Europe would be OK - Ireland is in Europe, last time I checked - but I have no idea if any Irish dance schools exist in, say, Japan.

My plan, such as it is, is to discuss all of this with my husband first, laying out my concerns and the costs and benefits of moving vs. dancing here.  We’ll think and talk and, because we’re us, pray about it all.  Once we’ve reached a decision we’ll bring it up with the rest of the family.  Sometimes my children come up with solutions I’ve not considered, so this discussion could be very valuable in ways I don’t yet know.

The truth is, though, this is one part of military life that is hard.  We try to nurture our children, we try to put down roots, but we can’t control 100% of our destiny.  (I think I, personally, only control about 40% of my own destiny, mostly things like what brand of detergent to buy.)  We can’t always support talented children the way we’d like, because military paychecks only stretch so far and because sometimes we have to live where no one has ever heard of things like ghillies and solo dresses.

That’s where love comes in, with its partner, honest communication.  I can’t give everything and I can’t do everything, but I can explain why resources have to be diverted to car repair and why each child in our family deserves opportunities, not just one child.  I can love and hug the child who secretly worries about moving away and leaving dance friends behind.  I do these things, and I hope, for now, they’re enough.

I went to the commissary yesterday and noticed that youth sports signups placards are everywhere.  I grabbed a copy of our regional MWR Joint Services Leisure Guide and discovered that our other local military base is taking soccer signups now, too.

While the weekly routine of two practices and an early-morning game doesn’t sound too appealing just as the current school year is winding down, I can say from personal experiene that getting involved in youth sports is good for both parents and children.  My children have both spent many hours running bases, kicking soccer balls and so on.  And, at each new duty station, I was compelled to get out and meet some other parents from our base and our local area, which was a very good thing.  Without youth sports, I would not have met all the wonderful moms and dads who became my friends, and I would have lost the chance to find out how to make the most of my time at each new place.

Youth sports can benefit your whole family.  It’s time to sign up!

As a busy homeschooling, freelance-writing mom, I don’t often have big chunks of free time.  Lately, I’ve been using little chunks of spare time - during piano lessons, for example - to think about and plan for fall.  Many moms I know are doing the same thing.

When you’re a military mom, planning ahead can sometimes seem like an exercise in futility.  You can’t predict TDYs.  I plan anyway, knowing that I might need to change things later on.

Here are some of the things I like to plan for:

• Homeschooling.  Right now I’m choosing textbooks and course topics.  This is the time when homeschool suppliers are at conferences, where I can see the books, and when they offer discounts.  August is not the best time to order books, trust me.  We’ve chosen all our subjects except my son’s foreign language, and we’re narrowing down math textbook choices.
• Activities.  I just worked out our Irish dance/piano lesson schedule for fall.  Whew.  Now I know how many afternoons will be filled with lessons and chauffeur duties.  Next up: Girl Scout planning.
• Trips.  I’m a travel writer, and I get a lot of my material for future articles from my own travels.  I tend to plan trips in stages - where to stay and how we’ll get there come first.  Right now we don’t have a fall trip on the books.  We do plan to visit our friends in Indiana for a week - we do this every year - but that trip doesn’t require planning.  Everything is ritualized - what we do, what we eat - so it’s no trouble to throw the trip together at the last minute.
• Work.  Freelancers don’t sit around in their PJs and eat bonbons, trust me.  I have a weekly work schedule and I try hard to stick to it.  (It’s Tuesday, which means I write my newsletter.  Yesterday was wine column day.)  I am picking up a new blogging assignment soon, and I have to work that into my schedule.
• Special Events.  My son’s Eagle Scout project falls into this category.  He has to do the planning and the work, but I certainly have to be there as an adult supervisor, so I must plan, too.

Taking the time to plan now really helps me stay sane.  Like many military moms, I have to handle all the activities myself, just in case my husband isn’t here or gets stuck at work.  Planning ahead makes all the difference.

I know, what’s that?  It’s hard to grab a few minutes for yourself, especially if your children are young.  Now that the weather is warming up, here are a few activities that children love.  Set them up, show your kids what to do and sit nearby with a favorite book or activity.

Bubbles are cheap and fun.  Kids of all ages love to blow and chase them.  Making your own bubble solution is fun, too.

Water painting is a clean activity.  Give your child a big paintbrush and a bucket of water.  He or she can “paint” pictures on the sidewalk or driveway.

Sand tables are easy to make.  Fill a dishpan with clean sand and place it on top of an inverted box.  Your child can play in the sand without sitting in it.  No sandy socks!

Water tables work the same way.  Fill a large dishpan or Rubbermaid container with water and set it on a small table or box.  Add a few boats, ducks and containers and you’re good to go.  (Warning - the water will not stay in the container.  Have dry clothes ready.)

Sidewalk chalk is another perennial favorite.  You can make your own for even more fun.

It’s late spring, which means I’m up to my eyeballs in textbook catalogs.  I’m getting ready for next year’s homeschooling adventure.  For the next month or so, I’ll be driving to homeschool conventions, looking at materials and supplies, and asking friends in my online homeschool community about chemistry labs and math programs.

 We are finishing our sixth year of homeschooling.  The whole thing started when we received overseas orders and my husband started asking about the base school.  Our daughter was in preschool and was teaching herself to sound out short words, but we discovered that she would not be able to start kindergarten until at least the following year because of her birth date.  We heard from friends that the school’s principal was doing a less-than-stellar job.  My husband came home and informed me that we just had to homeschool.  Huh?

I had no intention of homeschooling anyone, ever - but the Good Lord had other ideas.  Once I started looking into home education, I discovered that homeschoolers were everywhere.  As I learned more, I decided I could do it for the two years we’d be overseas, and we did.  We studied ancient history and traveled all over Italy, visiting the places in my son’s history books.  We tweaked our schedule so school days matched Dad’s duty days, which meant we were able to spend more family time together.  We had fun, and my children learned.  We’ve never looked back.

I know I am making it sound easy, perhaps easier than it is, but, for us, homeschooling has really meshed with our military lifestyle.  I no longer dread trying to find Catholic schools  - with openings and affordable tuition - at each duty station.  My children aren’t the “new kids” every two years.  No one bullies them or calls them ”military” anything.  They have tons of friends, through Scouting, church activities, homeschool co-ops, dance and music classes - you get the idea.  They’re confident and happy, and they know their multiplication tables, the Pledge of Allegiance, rules of grammar and history facts, just like any other students their age.

Every family is different, and there’s no perfect way to educate your children.  For us, homeschooling is a good choice.

I took my kids to the base gym on Friday so my son could work out.  My daughter and I played ping-pong - well, we tried - and I grabbed a summer activities flyer from the MWR desk.  The first thing I noticed about the flyer was the announcement about swimming lessons.

My daughter learned to swim at an MWR pool at our last duty station.  The lessons were taught by a Red Cross-certified instructor and were very affordable.  Over two summers, she went from being a timid non-swimmer to a child who can jump into the deep end with confidence thanks to her swimming lessons and her afternoons at the base pool.

Swimming is a life skill everyone should have.  Your local military base pool offers lessons for children and adults, and you’ll probably pay less than you would at your community pool.  For example, my local recreation department charges $70 - $75 for youth swimming lessons, while our base pool charges active duty family members $45 - $55.  Why not sign up?

 Finding good child care is hard.  Really hard.  When my daughter was a baby, I went through five daycare providers in one year.  Two quit - one for health reasons, the other to work at a higher-paying job - and I dumped two because they were, sadly, totally incompetent.  One left a toddler eating lunch alone in a high chair while she went upstairs to look after the other daycare kids (!).

After the toddler-in-high-chair incident (that was provider #3), I started looking for new child care.  That’s when I discovered the Navy’s Child Development Homes program.  (The Air Force and Army call it Family Child Care Homes.)  I was immediately impressed, because the CDH folks really tried to help me find child care quickly.  I loved my new provider, and she took great care of my baby.  Sadly, she became ill and had to quit, so back I went to the CDH office.  They connected me with another local CDH provider, and she ended up looking after my daughter until we moved a year later.

That’s when I became a CDH provider myself.  Now, Maryland has very strict child care licensing regulations, but once you’re licensed, they leave you alone.  I loved the Navy’s CDH program because I received training - even more than the state required, and all useful - equipment (cots, strollers, toys and more) and, most importantly, ongoing training and support.  Our director was wonderful and really helped when I ran into problem situations or didn’t know quite how to talk about my concerns with my daycare parents.

Yes, being a child care provider is hard work.  No, you don’t make tons of money.  For me, though, the benefits outweighed those drawbacks.  I was able to be home with my own children, and I was my own boss.  I earned enough to help our family, and I received valuable training (even tax training!) that has helped me be a better parent and home educator.

If you’re a parent looking for child care, consider a FCC or CDH home.  Your provider will be well-trained and her home will be inspected regularly.  And, if you’re thinking of staying home with your own children but also want to earn some money, consider starting your own home child care business.

To find out more, contact your local FCC or CDH office. (Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps, Coast Guard)

Photo © Malinda Welte

If you’re a busy mom like me, sometimes it’s hard to plan ahead.  I’m so busy working, educating my children and trying to land an edible dinner on the table that I don’t think about future activities very often.

So, imagine my surprise when I drive onto my local Army post and see signs for…fall youth sports.  Now, fall is a long way away, if you ask me.  There’s still an entire season between today and September 21.  But if I want my kids to participate in fall youth sports, it’s time for me to get over to my Child and Youth Sports office.

Of course, signup dates vary from place to place.  San Diego, for example, won’t be holding fall sports signups until June.  Grab a copy of your local MWR newsletter or check online (Army, Navy/Marine Corps, Air Force, Coast Guard) to find out more about youth sports signup dates.

Tip: I write signup dates on my wall calendar, along with reminders like, “Watch for archery signups,” so I don’t forget about those deadlines.